I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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