Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
