Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
