All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
