I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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