Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
