wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Houston, we have a blender
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
