the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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