is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
