I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
