yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
