I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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