Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
