we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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