Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
