wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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