Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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