Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
not ubering you a puppy
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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