Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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