my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
