He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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