8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
