After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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