Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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