well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
