We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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