I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
