Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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