My underwear smells like fireworks.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
