Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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