the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
