you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
