we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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