i may or may not be watching the land before time
i wish my penis had a tongue
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
