My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
