I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
