I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
