So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
