I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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