Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
