Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
