you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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