if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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