Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
