Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
