too bad you live with your parents still
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
