I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
