piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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