he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
