I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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