when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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