you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
