I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
