You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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