the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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