shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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