it's too hot outside to masturbate.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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