Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
