dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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