I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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