oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
