I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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