We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
