The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
