i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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