do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
