You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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