How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
