Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
