OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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