so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
