at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
