Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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