i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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