If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
