man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
