i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
