She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
