Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
