Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
