The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
