Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
